Years Gone By
by KayDrew
Summary: What does Neal say on the 1st, 5th, and 10th anniversary of Emma's death? Please R&R.


**Year One**

It's been one year - one long year. Today is just as painful as the day before. He couldn't imagine things being any easier the day after, either. It was as if he was in a nightmare that he could never quite wake up from. The only time Neal found relief was when he fell into a slumber that was neither unconsciousness or true sleep. Within moments of waking, grief would wash over him as he rolled over; his hand landing where Emma used to lay beside him. Every day was the same. He'd shower, he'd eat, he'd work. But, there was no passion in his heart and his eyes no longer glistened with life. Part of him had died when both Emma and Henry had been struck down.

His life went on, slowly and painfully. Nothing changed. He didn't let it. Everyday was the same, except today. Today he was going to their grave for the first time in a year. Neal should have brought two bouquets, but the grieving widower hadn't. He couldn't bring himself to lay flowers on his son's grave; Neal wasn't even going to look at the thing. There was no way he could - he wasn't ready.

Standing there with sunflowers in his hand. He stared down at the carved headstone. "Emma, come back to me. Please. I can't….I can't live with you. I wish I could take your place. I'd do anything…" Neal stammered. "I miss you and I love you…I love you too." He placed the flowers on the grave. Wiping the tears away he walked off.

**Year Five**

He couldn't believe five years had passed. It still seemed like yesterday. The pain and the hurt was still just as fresh and real. But, he lived or tried to. It didn't really seem like living. He'd tried to get away from the city and away from everything that reminded him of his loss. But, even with the change of scenery. He'd moved to the country and had opened an equestrian center specializing in rehabilitation for kids with disabilities. It probably didn't help that he'd named the place "Swan Fire Farms".

The place brought him a little peace. Being around the kids made him happier. But, every night he found himself alone. There was no one to talk to or share a meal. There was no one there to talk about their days. He had no one to share a movie, book, or television show with.

As every year on the anniversary of their death, he brought flowers. This time he brought one for Henry's grave. He laid the lilies on his son's stone, but Neal didn't say anything to that stone. Clearing his throat, the bereft man looked towards Emma's grave. He placed he flowers so they leaned against the stone.

"It's been five years. I don't know how. Emma, there is not a day..there's not a day that goes by that I miss you. I am at a loss for what to do. I moved away. I started a riding center. I've tried. But, it's…it's so painful to be without you," Neal rasped. He collapsed at the grave and leaned his head against the ground. "I love you…I love you too."

**Year Ten**

A decade had passed. The pain and grief never passed. It turned to a dull ache that was ever present. Neal had gotten used to it. There was nothing he could do about it. The loss was a constant companion. He kept moving forward though. He had to he guessed. Besides, Neal didn't know how much time he had left. No one did really.

Taking his medicines, he got dressed without looking at his gaunt face. It was time to see Emma and Henry's graves. With flowers in hand, he went to the car. Neal paused and looked at the center. He was proud of it. Neal thought that Emma would be too. Now that Belle was running things, he found that he could appreciate the place more. Why he had not asked for her help earlier, Neal wasn't sure. He was glad she was doing what she did - Belle was a natural here.

He pulled up to the graveyard and got out. "Hey, buddy. I love you," Neal rasped as he laid the daisies on Henry's headstone. Those were the first words he'd uttered to his deceased son in a decade.

"Hey, Emma. I love you….I love you too. I still miss you. But, I'm gonna see you again. I'm gonna see you real soon," Neal whispered. "It'll be okay. You'll see. Cancer's not the worst thing, at least not for me. It'll be okay."


End file.
